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Stay [1/1]

Title: Stay [Song!fic]
Author: ipanicdaily
Pairing: Frank/Gerard
POV : 1st; Gerard's
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: This is purely fiction.
Summary: And now I want you back.
Sequel To: "I Don't Love You"
Author Notes: "You" is Frank.


Gerard's POV

They say if you love something, to let it go and if love brings it back to you, it is meant to be. I loved, love, you but I was trapped in a downward spiral I was afraid I wouldn't get out of. That is why I had to let you go. Of course I could not expect you to wait for me, and it looks like you didn't. Still I wonder, especially as you wrote the hit song on our newest album entitled I Don't Love You. That song twisted my heart and brought pain in my attempt to sing it. Now more than ever I am confused. You moved on, or so I thought. That is why I am dating her. You say you are seeing someone else too. I have met her and she is nice but I can see it in your eyes that it will never happen.

So how do I make you mine again? I do not want to upset you though I know I already have. You tell me that you understand my reasoning behind letting you go but I know you don't. I honestly don't expect you to. It's selfish of me to wish you had waited. But when I was stuck in that downward spiral, I could not let you be pulled down with me. There is no way to let you know that because you would simply tell me that you could have saved me. I wanted to believe it but I knew that only I could pull myself out. Somehow, in the end, I did.

And now I want you back.

But I'm not sure if I can have you. I hurt you and used you. I don't expect you to want me back. But the way you look at me, the way you talk to me, the way you act around me makes me believe that perhaps you want me back as well. You don't bring the subject up though and you keep everything as simple gestures; things that I would do with Ray, Bob, and even my brother Mikey. But things far short of what I would do with you. We used to connect on a level far deeper than friendship. It was as though we needed each other to survive.

I still love the way you look; decorated so beautifully in an array of colorful, meaningful tattoos. I still love watching your fingers race up and down the strings of your guitar as you pump out notes and chords which I've only heard in my dreams. I love watching you run around the stage; climbing on the drums and amps without a care in the world. I love your eyes, your smile, your forever young attitude. I still love you.

What I have with her will never be what I had with you. What I had with you was far deeper and far more meaningful. I can have a life with her and I can be happy with her, but only if you truly tell me that we could never be again. I would never admit that she is my second choice but it is the unfortunate truth because you sit higher in my heart than her. You were here first and you will always remain that way.

Sometimes I hear you cry at night. I don't say anything for fear of making it worse. The distance between us is growing larger and with each passing day, it's harder for me to reach you. I don't want to do anything that will push you farther from me. But I have to do something before I lose you completely. I have to tell you that I still love you and that I still need you.

You still ask me for advice and help; but not on things that are truly meaningful. Usually you question how something sounds or ask me to listen to something you've created with your guitar. Your heavenly music which I love to hear. I always agree; eager to just watch you get absorbed by the one thing that can always put a smile on your face no matter what. It's the only thing you've ever loved more than me but I didn't mind much because music is your soul and without it you would simply fade away.

We tour with our new album The Black Parade and every day I recite some speech to myself about how to get you back. Nothing is good enough though. I hurt you and no matter what I say or do, I can't ever make you forget that or take the pain away. I can only ever ease it. In the end though it will still be there. Always and forever; a tattoo on your heart so to speak. I can not help but stare at you with every song. Every song but I Don't Love You because that song is nothing more than a lie and I can not say it to you. I love you and I always will. Should you not love me back than I will move on but don't ever expect me not to love you.

"Will you listen to something that I came up with?" You ask me as we hang out backstage; hours early for our show but tired of being in the tour bus. I put down my sketchbook and nod, giving you my full and undivided attention. You deserve nothing less. You get your guitar set in your hands and make sure it's tuned before your fingers start to run over the strings. Something about the music you create sends words, lyrics, flying through my mind.

I stare at you; alternating my gaze between your fingers and your face. Both are equally stunning and I can not choose which I want to watch so I watch both. You subconsciously bite your lower lip as your eyes focus heavily on where your fingers are going. When you finish, your beautiful hazel eyes drift up to meet mine; waiting to see my reaction. I'm speechless because you are so good yet you don't like to hear it. You deny your talent and sometimes I wish to just slam your guitar over your head; an attempt to beat sense into you because your talent is beyond words. "Is it ok?" You ask hesitantly since I haven't given you a reply. Your eyes look like they believe it's bad.

"Can you play it again?" I ask you, thinking about the words flying through my mind. I want to see what you think should I put words to it. "I want to try singing; if you don't mind." A smile forms on your beautiful lips.

"Of course." You tell me softly, moving slightly closer to me though the distance wasn't great to begin with. I sit up straight, thinking over the words again. "Tell me when you're ready." You tell me and I nod, quickly running through each verse to make sure the words are right before I let you hear them. It's the speech I've been trying to tell you for so long but was never good enough. The words still aren't good enough but if I don't tell you soon, I'm afraid that I will lose you.

"Go." I say, taking a deep breath as you begin to play again. Your eyes wander back to your guitar and I wait for the right time to start. When it comes, the words flow out without my even thinking about it. "Stay, the lights are low enough to play. Can you catch me when I'm falling down?" Your fingers don't stop but your eyes quickly meet mine again. There is confusion in them as though you somehow know the song is for you but you don't know why. "And I'll go and come home. And if you try to make the most of this and do what you always told me when you made me walk away."

I tried to come back to you but I didn't want to ruin what you had with her because on the outside you seemed happy. The inside I was unable to see as your beautiful eyes would often avoid mine. You didn't want to share your pain but I should be the one who bears it. Never should you have to carry unnecessary pain around because I didn't treat you properly. "And would you stay right here? Did I tell you, that someone out there loves you? If you stay right here..." Now your eyes hold more confusion but a slight bit of softness. You know that I am referring to myself.

You continue to play and the words continue to flow out of my mouth. A smile comes back to your lips and your fingers begin to play stronger; the music growing louder and more passionate. You always put your soul into playing but you were putting so much more into this. I smile back at you as I keep my eyes locked with yours. "Did I tell you, someone out there loves you after all?"

People start to stop and listen but they do not matter. All I see is you and all I hear is your song; dare I even say our song. "Sometimes the things can always be so far and sometimes you could look me back." I can see in the corner of my eye Ray and Bob, standing and watching with soft smiles on their faces. The tension between you and I was evident; the longing and the pain of being separated for too long. "And walk down to catch this reason. I tried to make the most of this." I stand up, my heart beating too fast and adrenaline flooding through my body; not allowing me to remain still any longer.

You move a tiny bit closer to me, not even aware of the fact that you're still playing and that I'm still singing. It's almost as though our souls have broken free of our bodies which are continuing their mortal actions as we drift off to our own land. "And could you make me miss you when we dance beneath the stars? And stay right here..." Your eyes glisten now with a pure yet simple joy I haven't seen around you since we were hand in hand; eye to eye.

My mind is far from me as it seems like the world just simply melts away until there's nothing more than you and I; the music swirling around us and sheltering us from everyone and everything. Your body is emitting a radiance that brings my heart at ease as I stare at you. Still you continue to play and still I continue to sing. "Did I tell you, that someone out there loves you? If you stay right here... Your head nods very slightly as though you agree; you understand. These words that leave my lips travel to you directly from my heart and I mean every one with all my soul. "Did I tell you, that someone out there loves you?"

More music joins us now and I realize that perhaps the others have created parts of their own to play. It simply boosts the power of the song in which we are creating; the song that is being born from the amazing talent you possess. I will never understand how I could have let you go. "If there's no one, no one out there. Is there no one, no one who cares?" The light glimmers in your eyes as though tears have formed there. But they are not painful tears in which you lost during the darkness of the night but rather tears of happiness. Happiness you thought you would never feel again. Happiness I thought I would never feel again.

"If there's no one, no one out there. Is there no one like you to share?" For there is only one of you. Only one of you that I need and long for. And the smile on your face is genuine; brighter and bolder than anything than you've given me in years. The pain I held in my heart when thinking about you is slipping out of my mouth, buried underneath the words for you. A few tears just fall down your face and we stand so close that my voice is but in a soft whisper. "But would you ask yourself, ask yourself..." I can feel the tears coming to my eyes as I smile and wipe them from your face.

"Stay." I tell you so quietly that only you can hear. These words are meant for you after all and what do I care if anyone else can hear? I don't want them; I want you. I don't deserve you but I need you and I want you. "And would you stay right here?" Again you nod; myself joining you. "Did I tell you, that someone out there loves you?

My hand pushes your soft hair from your face as I stare you in the eyes; stronger than I've ever looked at you before. Yet you continue to play and I continue to sing. "Stay with me right here." I whisper to you as I stroke your soft skin. "Stay with me right here." Then without thinking, I press my lips against your forehead softly. "Stay right here with me." I beg you.

Your hands no longer play the guitar but rather let it hang loosely around your body as your arms tightly wrap around my body. The others continue to play but they don't matter to me. Only you do. You cry into my chest as I wrap my arms around you as well. I am crying almost as hard as you now because so long have I gone without holding you. Too long have I gone without holding you and touching you; feeling your heart beat against mine. Your heart beat with mine. Because now I know that you still want me as much as I want you. "Stay with me." I whisper a thousand times and a thousand times again.

"Always and forever." You whisper back to me. The music around us halts but I don't care because at last I have you in my arms. I don't know what I'll tell her or how she'll feel but I don't care. I need you and I want you. I'll always care for her but I could never care for her like I care for you. I could never love her like I love you.

"I'm so sorry." I whisper and you nod, my shirt soaked in your tears now. I can not let you go so we simply stand like that. I know we are alone now but it seems like we've been alone this whole time. "I'll never leave you again." I promise you and your head lifts from my chest; your gorgeous hazel eyes locking again with mine.

"Stay with me." You say just as I repeated a thousand times to you. I smile and nod before your lips meet mine. It's not like the quick kisses we've exchanged on stage. It's like the passionate, love filled kisses we used to share so often. I will never love else.

"I love you," I say when we pull away; my hand running along your face again as I stare. You are so beautiful and so talented. I will never let you think anything short of such. You are so amazing and I will remind you every day.

"I love you too," You say with such ease but such meaning. I wipe your red eyes and you manage to laugh slightly as though you can see the stupidity we've held over this situation for too long. We tried to fight something that couldn't be fought; that couldn't be destroyed. I slid my hands into yours and held them tightly, never again wanting to let you go. We laugh softly together and turn to head to the stage to perform.

That song, our song, became more organized as we play it at shows now. If it will ever be recorded I don't know but I do know that no matter what, it will always be with us in our hearts. Now every show I exchange a smile, a loving kiss, and plenty of touching. I get in as much as I can until we're back stage and I can hold you again. I will love no one like I love you and I will never hurt you again. For you are mine and I will never let you go. Because now I know that it really is true what they say.

If you love something, set it free. In the end, love will bring it back to you

Points of Interest:

Comments

( 8 Love Notes — Write a Line of Love )
booshbitchx
Mar. 15th, 2009 11:27 pm (UTC)
awww... ^^
so sweet <3
di_as_86
Mar. 16th, 2009 12:58 am (UTC)
That was so touching! Just what I needed before I went to sleep. <333
shadowwolf0379
Mar. 17th, 2009 04:16 pm (UTC)
....
Im Crying Tears Are Streaming Down My Face And I Don't Care This Is So Beautiful Thank You So Much For Writing This.
wtfuwhore
Mar. 18th, 2009 08:48 pm (UTC)
Ohh this story is too fucking amazing!

I love their song!

mems
kami_88
Mar. 31st, 2009 08:37 pm (UTC)
this story is sooo beautiful! i love it!
i translated 2 your fics into russian (this one and 'i don't love you') so can i get a permission to post them on some forums?
of course, i will credit and give you links to them))
ipanicdaily
Apr. 1st, 2009 12:05 am (UTC)
Go for it ^^

xoxo Tabi
ipanicdaily
Jul. 17th, 2009 05:57 am (UTC)
I TOTALLY DON'T UNDERSTAND A SINGLE THING ON THOSE SITES :D

Sorry, just re-reading my stuff x3

xoxo Tabi
( 8 Love Notes — Write a Line of Love )